Paradise in Hell

I cannot say precisely when we began this conversation with dad (God). I am going to use the word dad and God interchangeably. So make no mistake- dad means God to me. OK, what was I saying…this talk we’ve had with God for so long until last week when he finally asked me, ‘sony, do you still want to go back to the other place?’

I looked up at dad with tears in my eyes and tried to answer, but I found no right words to say. He prompted gently, ``don’t you want to speak to dad today?”

I squinted up at him, and there it was again; the usual wink and the characteristic knowing smile I had become so accustomed to that whenever I stared up at his face my reflexes automatically registered this look even when his face was as stern and hard as a dry plank of wood.
``Of course I want to daddy,’’ I managed to reply. There was prolonged silence.
``Speak up, say what is truly in your heart,’’ he urged and kindly smiled at me. `Do you want to stay here at home with me, or do you still wish me to…,’ he winked again and smiled down benignly at me, `…let you go and take another tour of that place?’

My head went into a fast spin. I felt dizzy and confused. Suddenly a searing pain tore across my heart and threw my entire body into shivers. Tiny pinpricks of light shot out of my mind and reflected very clear pictures of different segments of my life in stark reality. I somehow knew even in this tumult of confusing thoughts and reflections that daddy was patiently waiting for my answer with his usual smile in place.

I heaved a heavy sigh after what seemed like eternity itself and in a firm voice said. `No, no nooo nooooooo daddy, if you let me go back there again, I know this time you will let me die. Dad, I can sense that as clearly as if you are speaking out the words loudly.’

I opened my eyes and found myself standing alone. God was gone. I frantically searched around but there was nothing to indicate his presence. Some inner voice warned me that if I made a single step from where I was standing, I would never live again. So I simply `plonked’ on the ground and prayed for oblivion